Downhearted

After being discharged from PLKN, I'm no longer on a vacation to think about which course to take at The One Academy. Without wasting time, we went to The One Academy at Subang on Saturday to get more information about degree and diploma based on Digital Animation and Multimedia Design. Thus, I'm going to register at The One Academy after I'm done with my drawing. Digital Animation or Multimedia Design course? I really don't know. What I know, I need to sign up for April Intake 2009 if I head for Degree instead of Diploma. At first, I intend to take only Diploma in either Digital Animation or Multimedia Design. Since my mum wants me to take Degree in either Multimedia or Digital Animation, depends on me which course I choose to major after the foundation year. I already gave up on myself not to further my studies. If I were to take Degree in Multimedia Design, it would cost over 100K and if I were to take Digital Animation, the fees would cost more than Degree in Multimedia Design. I thought of UTAR but, I guess it couldn't help. Either way, I'm going to apply for PTPTN loan online soon. I know my family background more than anyone else in this world. That's why I thought of UTAR since the fees was rather cheap which was around 30K to get a Degree. Plus, my sister is going to further her studies soon and, how can I not worry about the fees? Since my SPM result was not good, I've got no option. Sometimes, I think I'm a failure. But, I always tell to myself that I need to fight for myself and to live on loving myself as the saying goes ‘no one else will love you when you hate yourself’. I can’t control the tears that welling up behind my eyes. Whenever the tears formed behind my eyes, I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hate myself for weeping because I'm the one who taught myself to be stronger and not to cry because crying won't solve the problems. I hate myself for crying because they clouded my vision. If only I'm rich, I don't need to worry that much. It doesn't matters now. Conclusion, I'm going to sign up at The One Academy not knowing which course to major in since there's half year for Foundation. I'm going alone. Being alone till the end isn't necessarily scary for me anymore. I've been through things alone by myself. I need to be stronger than yesterday to live on with stronger will. I'm now much stronger than before, if I were to compare when I was a kid.