Cried beside my mother, discussing about my course. I knew this will happened to me one day. Yes, I broke down again. Some probably already knew about me when I joke a lots and talks a lot which is rare for me to do so is actually not a good thing. Told my mum that I no longer can hold this anymore. Yes, I had few friends compare to the others; hundreds or millions. Couples are helping each other, friends with friends are helping each other. All I did was begging my friends. Shame on me. It's like begging people to teach you when people doesn't even have the mood to do so. I was destined not to have lots of friend. I admit that. I came from a not-so-rich background. It's only an illusion for them to see the surface of what they think of me. I have this on my mind that if I stopped studying, the money will go to my sis which she can get into sunway college, a BETTER college for BETTER FUTURE than me. Daddy and mummy told me not to stress over this little thing afraid that I'll commit suicide. They understand me a lot better than the others, I'm not an optimist. I admit that. I have been crying since primary to high school and now college. They knew me too well that I can't hide anything from them. I hate my friends. When you're good, they will come to you. When you're bad, they will leave you aside. Just like economy subject we learned from school, the rich will continue to be rich and the poor will remained poor. Same goes to friends. Mum once said in chinese that "they beat, they split, whatever-they-did, we don't attack" That's the fact. Soh Ling, it has been awhile since we last met. I really wanna talk to you- a lot. I'm a little envious of my friends which they had their friends ready and comfort them. I'm all by myself. But I'm used to it. First, I myself isn't happy with my classmate. Secondly, my skill and idea. It's uncountable. It's a fact that I'm a slow learner. You can't change that.
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返信削除Superstars have all the 'friends' and 'fans' they can ever get, but they rather be like us. grass is always greener on the other side, thats why average is best.
返信削除2nd of all, future is in our own hands. You are not destined for anything, its how you interpret your surroundings NOW that makes the future... its what the chef does with either the worse or best ingredients given to him to make a dish.
Please dont say that u were just begging, because it hurts me to know i gave u an excuse to think this way. i want to help because i want to help you, very simple reason only. You don't have to beg me, even if I saw you having problems I would try to help. Sometimes when you're alone I ask you to eat with us. To make friends, at least accept people's offer when they do offer you, otherwise i dont understand why you mention having no friends.
3rd, if u think people only see the illusion of your surface, do u think you see clearly the thoughts of other people so easily?
It's not easy to know exactly what people think, is it.
Don't you see we care about you? Theres no other reason i am here writing this.
Did you know you are the one of the few friends who did something so special for me on my birthday? something so simple as a thank you card, is one of the best gifts i recieved from ALL my friends, i almost wanted to cry knowing someone treats me this way, i was so proud.
Please leave the one-way traffic of thoughts. You always, always have the choice to change, no matter how impossible it looks, its just an imagination we are taught to see. Take a chance, believe what I say, don't just reject it again and again in your mind with the logic and rational you believe now.
Just concentrate on your breathing for 5 minutes, without anywhere to go, or anything to do. You will soon understand everything I say.
I don't think I agree on all of the points above as you mentioned but, i'll be looking forward into it. I didn't knew eating is a part of the process-of-being-friend. Well, I thought my post is just to release some stress. Didn't knew that I actually offended you? sorry.
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