サナトリウム

目を閉じて、いろんな君、瞳の奥におさめました。
微熱みたく気づかないままで、恋は虫の息です。

こゝろ閉じて、いろんな僕、胸の中に溶かしました。
禁じられた遊びで燃やせば　孤独ってきれいな色。

回れ、止まらないレコード。針の先踊るは記憶。
うれしいくるしい、似てる呪文だ。辿れない時間へ、あと何センチ?

絡めた指をほどいていく、ちいさくサヨナラ唱えるように。
はぐれた君の名を告げても、戻らない世界の決まり。

風立ちぬ、甘い屑が数えきれず散らかりそう。
かき集めてパズルを作れば、恋も素敵なこと

たくさんの光の中で、いくつも会えていたっけ。
合言葉だけなくさないで。巡り逢うところへ、あと何光年?

目眩で、夢の花開けば、ゆっくりサヨナラ唱えるようで。
ざわめき。胸を囲まれたら、何処にも行けないままで。

花束の花がひとつずつ、枯れてくのを眺めているような。
触れないことにただ気づいて、待ちこがれた涙が出た。

神様に嘘をついて、引き換えにさ、何もらったの?
指の隙間滑り落ちたのは、いつの日のことでしょう。

絡めた指をほどいていく、ちいさくサヨナラ唱えた、声。
はぐれた君の名を呼んでも、帰れない世界の決まり。

目醒めて、夢の花散らばれ。愁しみも静かに、サナトリウム　------------　。
ざわめき。　胸を埋めつくして、此処から動けないままで。
何処にも行けないのは「こゝろ」其処にいた君が笑うの。

サナトリウムで、サナトリウムで。 サナトリウムで。

Their latest song- beautiful! reminds me of saishuu densha, spica, yume no shima, 37C, and so many more. Gonna play their song... because it's just too beautiful.

I Heart Them

I've been through night of tears lately.

But, it's okay.

That the reason, they're there for me.

No need to be hurt anymore.

Even we hardly get to meet.
Even if it's quiet, it's comfortable.

I heart you all, babes!

Never can I leave you, babes.

Never.

Eggs

Look, cute isn't?

Just want you to be happy, babe!

Just like when we were in NS! The moment we had lunch together! my EGGS in NS!

I still remember those days!

Thanks to you! I am Happy now! Eggs! Look at me!
Can you?

Her

History Project which I use all of my heart to design it. I'm happy with it!

When everyone around me bully me, you listen to me and cheer me up! When everyone was being cold to me, you smile as if you're safe to be with! When I just about to quit, you motivated me to do everything with all my heart! When I just about to give up, you came into my world and save me!

Yi Wern, you're always there for me!

The Moment

I met a friend who knew my every weakness, one of just a few friends of mine, in Pyramid. I saw you coming down with a face that is warm and tender. We both smile before we get the chance to say hello. Looking in your eyes, my eyes, we both bear hug each other. With a touch that made me feels alive after all the harsh times. With a touch that made us caught in a moment. I never need to ask you because you always show up. Even we hardly to see each other again, I won’t be fail to remember the love you shared with me, all the time. A moment I hold to my heart and this is my dearly loved friend, Yi Wern. When I’m all alone, cold presses and blooming as if I’m floating aimlessly. Now, I don’t want to throw in the towel.

Stress?

Shop. Sing. Shout. Scream. Walk. Talk. Play. Assignment? Who bothers. I can't stand it anymore. Can't bear it any longer. I just feel like talking to them. One word, relax. What else to study if not design?

Melancholy Moods

Feelings that made me want to cry. I speed up because you always run too fast. I'm sorry if I didn't care because I'm afraid I care too much about you. I'm used to 2 hours sleep per day but not happy day. We have shared so many things together- laughter, tears, and some craziness. There is no need to be in rush mode everyday when you enjoy your life even it's like a wave. That's my attitude and that’s why I can be true to myself. I just feel like talking to you. God, why isn't life fair? If I'm destined to walk through this way, thank you.

p/s: Yi Wern, thank you for being such a wonderful friend!

Sigh

Smile.
Melancholy smile.
A smile without any feeling.
I'm with everybody yet I'm alone
I won't be remembered either. So, why?
That the reason, because I'm weak, real weak.

ゲシュタルト崩壊 [通常]

Disc 1
01_リプレイ
02_ザザ降り、ザザ鳴り。
03_うつせみ
04_Dummy Box
05_真っ赤な糸
06_讃美歌
07_テトリス
08_スピカ
09_アローンアゲイン、ワンダフルワールド
10_Ghost
11_記憶行き
12_アンドロメタモルフォーゼ
13_空中ブランコ

Disc 2
01_Dolly (Music Video) (未発表Ver.)
02_梟 (Music Video) (プレミアムVer.)
03_回想、声はなく。 (Music Video)

I ♥ this album!

Design

-撲火 (Strike Fire)

-催眠 (Hypnotize)

-暗湧 (Undercurrent)

-記憶行き (Bound of Memory)

Some of my design. Inspired from Faye Wong and Plastic Tree. Somehow I'm glad it turned out okay since I redo all of my design in one day and it's 12 pieces in one day without sleep. Well, I really need to thank KTM for giving me inspiration for the last piece. I hope I can do a better one for this coming holiday. I can feel the music mood.

I Felt

Sky blue,
Cobalt blue,
Prussian blue,
Cerulean blue,
Ultramarine blue,
Phthalocyanine blue.

The weather, as if watching me crying. Before I knew it, sadness came sitting next to me in the train, blooming coldly. Feelings that can't be expressed in words. If I look up, there is prussian blue sky. Always. I don’t know.

Untold

Nobody listens to me. I don’t know how really it feels to simulate as if I don’t care about you at all. I never had a wish other than my family. I ask God, can I have another wish for my friend? Your presence consumes me. Your face, your laugh, your smile, your kindness- everything. I’ll never forget the tenderness you shared with me. You’re important to me. Nobody else treat me like the way you do. Words just can’t describe my consciousness. I detest myself. I can’t have a hold over the tears that formed behind my eyes, gently rolling down my cheeks. If you need space, I’ll give it all. I won’t bother you anymore. If that is what you want and if that is what you need, I respect. Abandoned and unaccompanied, I’m used to it.

Decision

Just came back, releasing pressure within me. When I glance at your message, I’m wounded. Deep, real deep. I wouldn't have hurt myself that much if I don’t look forward from you. If that is what you long for, I respect. I close my eyes and sleep through winter.

Words

Sitting here, so downhearted

Looking out, for something for years

Trust in friends, fading away
No one to share feelings with but, my blog.

In this wonderful world, filled with beautiful panorama

Your smile, always brightens my day
Unfortunately, you don't smile for me

I cry, just cry.

Warmness 18th Birthday

Yeah, I turned 18th. This is my second time of celebrating my birthday with my friend. I'm happy that Soh Ling bring me to eat Donut. My very first time eating there, J.Co Donuts & Coffee at Sunway Pyramid. Out of all donuts, I chose donut with strawberry since it's so attractive to me. It's so delicious and so sweet that it touches me deep down my heart. Somehow, I've never get to feel this kind of feeling from a friend all this while. Somehow, I just get to feel this warmness. I'll never feel alone again having her by my side. It's great to have a friend like her. Really. Walking, laughing, loving, joking, smiling, teasing. I feel a sort of sadness but, I don't want to cry out loud. Somehow, I just need to pretend that I'm alright. I don't have any wish. Just a wish that I've been wishing since I'm small. I fantasize. And, the feeling of doubt just disappeared. The scent. Just, gone. Breeze. You broke up all the walls in my head. With all my heart, I thank you, Soh Ling.

What A Week

Sigh, sigh and just can't stop sigh-ing! Everytime when I did my best and something will happen after that. I handle it properly, colour it carefully, protecting it using layout pad from getting dirty. It took me almost a week to do that A2 Portrait with weird design and, water poured on it is what I get in the end. As for Finished Art, I did my best for the measurement and, redo is what I get in the end. I've done two diamond box previously before I submit the latest one and, redo is what I get in the end. As for History of Art and Design, I did a lot of research on it, watching the video so many times since I don't get the point of the movie, electricity down is what I get in the end. I just feel like crying when the water poured on my A2 watercolour paper. I guess there's no time for me to buy a new watercolour paper and draw it out and colour it out by Thursday. Guess I'll just cover the dirt for the sake of my Design Class tomorrow. I've gone through so many things in this situation. Sometimes, I ponder. Why is it so hard for me to achieve something? Failure is the highway to success? Sigh, I just can't stop sigh-ing. I'm not going to sit there and cry and do nothing. I guess it's no use crying over split milk. It's never been easy for me afterall.

My Heart Melts

Having said that, Soh Ling offered to take me to eat ice cream, Baskin Robbins. I followed her tightly afraid that I'll get lost in the middle of nowhere. This is my very first time eating Baskin Robbins Ice Cream. Unarguably delicious. I don't mind what people are thinking since I always hide myself in my shell. The first line is just enough to melt my heart. My heart melts. I continued melting. Thank you, Soh Ling. Heals my cries.

College Life II

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while, but I got very busy with assignments. Preparing for presentation, design, research, colour wheel and so on. College Life II. I got to know some of them. Names. Nevertheless, the gap is very big between them. Talking is a problem for me because I don't know what to talk with, or what topic to start with. Maybe, it's all about topics. I thought by now I could get past this, but apparently it’s still an issue for me. I just don't have the guts to ask or talk to other people for some reason. Even I got to know some of them, I don't really sit with them since they already got their own gang. It is definitely not easy and never has been. I've got no idea what colour to use therefore, here I'm blogging. I feel safe for having Ms.Vivien beside me in Computer Lab. Just like the way I feel so safe when Soh Ling is with me. I just feel like talking to someone. But, who? Perhaps I should make an appointment with Ms.Lily to help me with my hard-to-understand-type of people. As what ZY said. Take initiative and solve the problems. I trust elder people thus, I always respect their sayings. I must make the best of it, whether it is dark or light. Life is what we make of it. Life is what we want it to be. We cannot control most of it, but we can change parts of it. It’s all in the attitude.

College Life

I've had another one of those days. I think I'm destined not to have friends. Somehow, I just feel empty when I'm inside the colorful building. I kind of have stress in my class in the fact that they're awesome in their artworks and very very very fluent in English. Experiencing User access denied on the first class, Block M is what I got. It just gave me a Wow! Luckily, the tutor of the Drawing 1 brought me up using her card. Language and Communication Skills class even gave me pressure when Ms.Pinky said that she expect something from me. Hey, I'm noob at everything. Sigh. All English-Speaking in the class gives me more pressure. I just feel the world is coming to an end for me. Sigh, I just can't stop sigh-ing. Somehow,I just don't have the guts to talk to other people. By the way, there's a guy in my class looks like my uncle. The way he talks, the way he walks, the way he dress-up and so on. How I wish if my uncle is with me all the time. Even if I've problems I can't share with anyone there unless I look for counselors. Chasing the bus and train is my daily routine. Tired. Okay, I know I'm stupid to think about them that they don't even know me anymore. At least, I have Soh Ling to talk with, and Jolin to message with. Yeah, I think this is my life until I graduate. Just like the world comes crashing down around me. I've got a horrible nightmare about my family yesterday. Like I said earlier I don't have time to be sick, at all. Somehow, I just feel like surviving in the middle of nowhere. I remember, I talked about being strong in an entry not long enough in my private blog stating that I am not strong enough, that I'm actually weak. I will improve, hopefully. No tears!

Maple Story

Reason(s) for selecting The One Academy

Out of all conceptualization for me to select The One Academy is because The One Academy College is the leading Art and Design College in Malaysia. Besides that, students' transformation and achievement from The One Academy College attracts me more compare to other colleges. The One Academy College is different from other colleges due to the reason that the building is built in the city of Bandar Sunway compare to other colleges. The One Academy College provides reference hub, practical research, recreational park, library that is filled with international collection, gallery of international designs that lets us to learn from the local and international crackerjacks in this creative industry. Thus, I strongly affirm with the saying goes 'The City Is Your Classroom.' Not only that, I chose to pursue my studies at The One Academy College is also because of their international recognition and the best in creative courses. Plus, it is not about learning at The One Academy College but, it is real life learning compare to other Colleges that offers creative courses. Furthermore, I want my family to be recognized and not to be looked down. Thus, I believe education can change my family's life. Although, The One Academy College might be small but, I believe I selected the right college among colleges for creative courses. Lastly, I hope I can strive for the best of the best achievement at The One Academy College although I might be the poorest at the beginning as the saying goes 'Failure is the highway to success.'

This is what I wrote for Course Application Form 2009. Writing this essay is like so hard since I did not grasp my pen for months! I wonder why they want us to write down the reason(s) for selecting The One Academy.

Sunny Day

We've gone our own ways and, I wonder will I ever have a friend like you again? What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.

Take care till then!

The Past

朋友-周華健
Friends by Zhou Hua Jian

Ze xie nian, yi ge ren
All these years, alone
Feng ye guo, yu ye zou
The wind has passed, the rain has gone
You guo lei, you guo cuo
There were tears, there were wrongs
Hai ji de jien chi shen me
Things we hold dear I still recall

Zhen ai guo, chai hui tong
If you've had true love, then you would know
Hui ji muo, hui hui shou
There is loneliness, there are goodbyes
Zhong you meng, zhong you ni
There are dreams, always there is you
Zai xin zhong
In my heart

Peng you yi shen yi chi zhou
Friends walk this life together
Na xie ri zhi bu zhai you
Those days will not return
Yi ju hua, yi bei zhi
One word, one life
Yi shen ching, yi bei jiu
A lifetime relationship, a cup of wine

Peng you bu cheng gu tan gou
With friends you won't be lonely
Yi shen peng you, ni hui dong
Lifelong friends, you'd understand
Hai you shang, hai you tong
There are wounds, there is pain
Hai you zou
Must go our separate ways
Hai you wo
Always there is me

With all of my heart, I specially dedicate this song to my National Service friends. You changed my point of view on friends. I got touched by Yi Ning because she sang this song to me when I got to leave PLKN.

With Love,

Wirawati Company Bravo,

Latihan Khidmat Negara Kumpulan II Siri 6/Tahun 2009.

Downhearted

After being discharged from PLKN, I'm no longer on a vacation to think about which course to take at The One Academy. Without wasting time, we went to The One Academy at Subang on Saturday to get more information about degree and diploma based on Digital Animation and Multimedia Design. Thus, I'm going to register at The One Academy after I'm done with my drawing. Digital Animation or Multimedia Design course? I really don't know. What I know, I need to sign up for April Intake 2009 if I head for Degree instead of Diploma. At first, I intend to take only Diploma in either Digital Animation or Multimedia Design. Since my mum wants me to take Degree in either Multimedia or Digital Animation, depends on me which course I choose to major after the foundation year. I already gave up on myself not to further my studies. If I were to take Degree in Multimedia Design, it would cost over 100K and if I were to take Digital Animation, the fees would cost more than Degree in Multimedia Design. I thought of UTAR but, I guess it couldn't help. Either way, I'm going to apply for PTPTN loan online soon. I know my family background more than anyone else in this world. That's why I thought of UTAR since the fees was rather cheap which was around 30K to get a Degree. Plus, my sister is going to further her studies soon and, how can I not worry about the fees? Since my SPM result was not good, I've got no option. Sometimes, I think I'm a failure. But, I always tell to myself that I need to fight for myself and to live on loving myself as the saying goes ‘no one else will love you when you hate yourself’. I can’t control the tears that welling up behind my eyes. Whenever the tears formed behind my eyes, I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hate myself for weeping because I'm the one who taught myself to be stronger and not to cry because crying won't solve the problems. I hate myself for crying because they clouded my vision. If only I'm rich, I don't need to worry that much. It doesn't matters now. Conclusion, I'm going to sign up at The One Academy not knowing which course to major in since there's half year for Foundation. I'm going alone. Being alone till the end isn't necessarily scary for me anymore. I've been through things alone by myself. I need to be stronger than yesterday to live on with stronger will. I'm now much stronger than before, if I were to compare when I was a kid.

Happy

Went to The One Academy to ask about degree and diploma. I'm worrying about the fees, 100K plus for 4 year. Sigh, I can't do anything since my result is not good enough to apply for scholarship. I feel like giving up on my studies. By the way, went to Aeon alone and meet up with Mei Ling. Both of us went shopping after Cinema. I'm happy since I can meet my friend. I miss them to death after doctor discharged me from PLKN. Tho' only Mei Ling was there, I'm happy. I heart all of you tho' not everyone was there.

Friends

Tears form behind my eyes, missing them badly. Please be stronger, my friends. May God bless all of you.

My Lovely Friends

I'm very happy whenever I'm with them. My life is beautiful when I'm with them. Can we please meet up this Saturday? I heart all of you !